Tears rained down my cheeks when i think of her.I spent my days assuring myself that i would
get over her.And my stomach felt as if it were filled with rocks.Everytime i went out,i
kept hoping i might bump into her.Feels like she had spoiled other girls for me.Why cant i
go back to my normal schedule,my usual way of thinking?

Girls didn’t do this to me.Girls didn’t bump me.Girls didn’t make me feel low.
And i wasn’t about to let it get to me.But she had gotton to me in a way i didn’t want to
acknowledge or even think about.I know i was in trouble.Maybe i was coming down
with a cold or the flu.

Finally i admitted i simply had to give myself time to
recover from her effect on me.A week simply must not be long enough to get
over a girl.

Still, a tiny voice niggled at the back of my mind.I still had my
freedom if i wasn’t happy?
I’d always smirked in superiority at other guys in my condition,believing they
were fools for letting a girl under their skin.And now i feel myself a fool.but
i’d get over her.Forget her.

At night,she haunted my dreams,and i woke up aroused and aching for her,recalling her sexy voice,
her bright laughter,the way she liked to have fun,the way
she made me feel good,happy,eager to face the day.
As opposed to how i feel now.Moody,Somber on edge,fighting gloom and melancholy.

There’s no day i couldn’t think about her…And finally i threw myself into studies.Telling myself that an
occupied mind would get me over the mourning period faster.That plan also failed.

I paced, wearing a path in my room, stared at my pc, for hours, thinking to mail her.
I wanted to say sorry for what i said, and for what i’ve done.There’s no other way i could
say it.Coz’ she don’t even want to see my face now.
No matter what, i just can’t get through with this.

I logged into my thehakuru webmail account and entered a few words which came into
my mind in that moment, i said her to forgive me,and im sorry for everything what i had
done to her”,and i send off..i waited but no reply…….

Everyone who knows her,her friends and all, looks to me in anger,but no one knows how hard
im going through with my f***ing life now….All i know is that the pain i gave to her
is now bouncing back to me…i didn’t knew the importance of her in my life when she was with me..
But now when she left me i reallized how lonely i feel without her..no one can cure this pain
inside me,accept her…

I can feel that im in trouble,Deep sinking trouble.No girl had ever refused me.
Telling myself her reaction is my own fault did no good.Who cares whose fault it was?
Casting blame only made me seem pathetic.Instead, i would think about what i could
do now.What i wanted now….

I want her back.Have to see her and straighten out this mess.But how can i talk to her
when she wouldn’t answer.

And one day while i was shaving, i looked at myself in the mirror.I had dark circles under my eyes
from brooding and from a lack of sleep.My face was grim,my lips tight,my skin unhealthy
looking.

A big change…….

And that was when i knew that something was very,very wrong
with me.As much as i tried to deny it.I had uncontrollable feelings for her.As the
abhorrent thought that i had fallen for her hit me.I nicked my face shaving.
Blood tricked from the cut,spattered in my sink.With a vicious twist of the
faucet,i washed away the blood,wishing i could wash away my feelings.

Damn it, i never planned to fall in love.i liked my life just the way it was…Thank you very much.
I didn’t intend to change my freedom-loving spirit for any girl, Especially not someone who cant forgive me.
Especially not a girl with such high standards.

Okey, so i have fallen in love.IM human.I would forgive myself the weakness and
get over it.

BUt after all these days with no sleep.I decided to reassess.Living my life alone
and my way was making me miserable.Freedom no longer seemed so wonderful.
My normally fulfilling activities seemed empty…..With the school
running so smoothly, i was bored, the routine seemed draining.

Days passing by….

One night as i tossed and turned alone in bed, i decided that i wasn’t getting over
her.I missed her.Obviously, she wasn’t going to change her mind about me-unless
i do something drastic.But drastic meant that i would have to change.Forever….

Restless, i kicked the covers off my feet.Why the hell should i offer to giveup
my precious freedom and change my life for her?

Because my life’s miserable without her, because if i didn’t atleast try to get
her back, I’d never forgive myself.

i Punched my pillow. Yes!!!…i can see me, the one who avoided responsibilities.
But admitting that i might want a more commited lifestyle didn’t meant i was giving up my identity…

Bingo !!!

I want to have a strong relationship with her,one which can’t brake us but hold us forever…

RELATIONSHIP ?
Why am i even thinking about new relationship when she wouldn’t see my face?

i must be losing my mind to consider trying myself to a girl who
wouldn’t accept my apology..

i had treated her badly.But i lied to her before i would known i loved her.While
suppose i should have recognised my symptoms sooner,why whould i? i had never
been in love before….

Okey, i love her.Admitting it to myself had yet to kill me.I am still me,
Just as me who love a girl.I could wrap my mind around it.i love her…OKEY!!!!

Recent experience had taught me that stopping these strong kinds of feelings is neXt to impossible.
I certainly tried and failed.

Where will i go with this???
I much prefer to focus on rectifying my mistakes.

wHAT AM I GOING TO DO???? Now i know my goal….Winning her love-i need a plan.

I love her, i want the freedom to love her.I already tried mailing and phone calls.
She’s not ready to forgive and forget,but i refuse to face the possibility
that she never will.

SHE HAD COMPLETLY CHANGED MA WHOLE LIFE